How to Process Anger
Welcome back to your New Moon Renewal with The Agenda. Think of this as your personal retreat to pause and center in, and see how you are really doing. An average woman’s hormonal cycle is 28 days, just like the average moon cycle. Historically new moons have been linked to a woman’s period. Whether or not your period lands on the new moon, doesn’t matter for these renewals. This is for the new moon each month in your life. Where you need a little light, a slight pause. To bathe in the stillness, and remember who you are. You can do the renewal below whether or not you are bleeding, and regardless of your beliefs.
First, set the mood: During this time of rest, what is your intention? Time alone? Time to check in with yourself? Learn something new? Turn your phone on silent, or on vibrate. If you can, leave it in another room entirely. Light incense or a favorite candle. Wear clothes that make you feel at home in your body. Set aside 20 minutes to focus on your personal retreat. Find a journal, some markers or crayons, and a favorite pen! Maybe it’s a sparkle gel pen like you had in 7th grade, or a skinny marker, because why not. Let’s all live our best lives.
Take a couple of minutes to sit in quiet. Quiet spa music can also help set the tone. Check in with yourself. How does your body feel? Try to breathe from your stomach instead of your chest. By placing your hands on your stomach it is easier to know when you are breathing deeply, as your hands will move with your breath. Any thoughts that come into your mind, acknowledge them and let them pass. Refocusing on your breath.
When you feel centered in your body you can read on:
Questions to mull:
What does righteous anger mean to you? What is your go-to reaction when you feel anger? Who did you learn this from? How do you process anger?
Quote to savor:
Watch Greta Thunberg’s video where she says ‘How Dare You’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMrtLsQbaok
You can do this with a marker or pen. If you could say ‘How dare you’ to 1 person, who would it be? Set a timer for 3 minutes, and free write everything you would say. You aren’t sending this to them, this is just everything that you have been holding back you are putting on paper. Even if you run out of words, You can try these sentence starters, ‘How dare you…’ Why did you…. How could you… I can’t believe…. What in the world made you think…. What I really think about you is…
The journaling exercise was a practice in getting a check on how we actually feel. Now, what would you like to do with these words? (Do not mail these words, although you can use them to embolden you to have a conversation with the person in mind) Would you like to cover them in red paint? Tear them up and throw them in the trash? Burn them? (Safely) Share it with a confidant who can hold space for you to share it? Choose some way to transform or express your words in a new way.
Things to think about:
Anger is not necessarily just a feeling. It is our body’s way of telling us we have crossed a boundary. With ourselves, or that someone else has crossed ours and we didn’t speak up. Unmitigated, when we don’t process anger it can cause headaches, digestion problems, such as abdominal pain, insomnia, increased anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, skin problems, such as eczema, heart attack, and stroke.
Ways to process anger.
- Breathe. Take 3 deep breaths. Sometimes we are spinning ideas, and everything feels overwhelming. Grounding ourselves can help give a hair’s breathe of distance
- Ask Questions: Is this situation as terrible as it feels right now? Could I be exaggerating its significance? Can I see this situation from the other person’s point of view?Can I stop focusing exclusively on this negative situation? Is there any actions I can take? Can I refocus my attention on any positive aspects of this situation – such as lessons that can be learned?
- Talk it out with a trusted friend or the person you have issues with
- Journal or pray about it
- Take action. What can you do in this moment to change something? Maybe it’s calling a congressperson, or cleaning the house, or creating a plan of action. Doing something can help your system recognize that you are aware of the boundary-crossing.
Decide which way to process anger you will choose above for your how dare you person. Now, to shake it out, pick your favorite song, and take 3 minutes to dance it out. Sometimes tapping into anger pulls up frenetic energy in our bodies, and dancing can help your body relax again.
Each month we’ll release a New Moon Renewal for you to discover something new about yourself, learn about your cycle, and take a moment to pause, breathe, and reflect.
Aj Smit is the owner of In Joy Productions, and sparks joy and imagination through art, entertainment, and events. She has helped women flourish through red tents, retreats, and soul art workshops online, locally and internationally for the past four years. Her goal is to change the traditions and stories we pass down by creating brave spaces for women to grow together. Always learning how to love and live with radiant joy, she lives in South Korea, with her husband Jeremy, little pup, and a bucketful of glitter (Just in case of emergencies). You can find Aj at www.In-JoyProductions.com or The Joy Weaver on Facebook and Instagram